Missing In Action


So I’ve been pretty MIA lately.

I ended up spraining my ankle while I was drunk, by stepping backwards off a step… of course. In my defense it was dark and whiskey is delicious. Good news is that it wasn’t worse. Bad news is that I was off my workout routine for a few weeks. Honestly, I can’t say I really hated having a break. So maybe it’s more good news. Great news: I ate more, worked out none, and managed to maintain my weight. Hell yeah!

I brought a sandwich to the emergency room and was known as “the sandwich girl.” The ER got me an X-Ray and an ankle brace and sent me on my merry way. Nothing broken. It didn’t kill me, so I guess I’m stronger… or however that goes.

My grand moment of genius: I used a freezy pop to ice my ankle because it was the perfect shape for my ankle brace and it didn’t leak like ice cubes in a ziplock bag. Go ahead, applause.

I woke up this morning and went back to the gym for the first time in a while. Running on the treadmill was a small attempt. I didn’t go for very long. “I didn’t want to push it.” Or maybe it’s still a good excuse to be lazy 😉



Adventures With Beer


Greetings, y’all.

I haven’t been blogging for a while, but that doesn’t mean I’ve given up on working out… and DEFINITELY didn’t give up alcohol.

Here’s 6 blogs rolled into one to keep y’all on the breaking edge of my life:

  1. I went to Vegas… I drank a lot. I ate a lot.
  2. I went to Los Angeles… I drank a lot. I ate a lot.
  3. I went to Colorado… I drank a lot. I ate a lot.
  4. I went to Vegas again… I drank a lot. I ate a lot.
  5. I went to Hawaii… I drank a lot. I ate a lot.
  6. I went to Vegas…again… I drank a lot…again. I ate a lot…again

Whew, now that that’s over…

I haven’t been working out nearly as much, but I still lost enough weight to break into a new “decade.” This means I’ve been floating around 131 lbs for a while and now I’m barely at 129 lbs. I’m content with this.





HOT DAY HOT TODDY! I don’t care if it’s 80 degrees out. I wanted a hot toddy dammit.

So I think I want to start this thing where I measure myself every week to see if I’ve lost fat. I’m picking Saturdays and by royal decree, I’m calling them “Staturdays.” This choice of day was made mostly for the naming options.

Here’s what I got:

36″ Chest

29″ Waist

38″ Hips

20″ Thigh

10″ Arm

We’ll see what happens with it.

Memorial Weekend

IMG_3567…it won. Memorial Weekend – 1. Me – 0.

So I definitely didn’t work out last weekend, unless you count walking long distances in LA, then I guess I accidentally worked out. But it was walking to bars soooo…

For the most part, we mostly daydrank all weekend and were snuggled into bed by 9 PM. This is good because we were awake and heading out by 9 AM. We found a place that did bottomless mimosas and we found some tables that seemed to have a free never ending supply of whatever-alcohol-I-asked-for.

I know I ate a whole pizza. I did not even feel guilty about this.

Current state of the union: 132.2

Which means that despite 4 days of this nonsense, I managed to pretty much maintain my weight. This is a small win that flips the tables. Memorial Weekend – 0. Me – 1.

Who am I?


Ok fam, I’m a little worried about myself. I woke up early, went to the gym, did some chores, made myself a fucking smoothie (with real fruit and honey instead of sugar and shit), and then I went to work. And I did this two days in a row. 

On my drive to work, I looked down at this ridiculous pink smoothie and just knew that something different is happening upstairs. Like, who do I think I am? I don’t look much better, but I certainly feel better and maybe that’s the whole point. These endorphins are a nice drug. Would highly recommend.

Last night I went to a rock opera, so you know I had to pregame, game, and postgame the shit out of that “art.” It was an interesting show. Four margaritas later, and I would still not highly recommend. I decreed this morning as a morning I could sleep in, but my mind was awake at 7 am, right around the time I generally get up to go to the gym.

I’m not sure how I tricked my body into thinking this is the way things are going to be, but I’m glad waking up in the mornings aren’t as big of a struggle.

For those hunting for a recipe for the Who-Do-I-Think-I-Am Smoothie, it’s pretty simple:

  • 4 strawberries
  • Half a small peach – I kept the fuzz on because… protein (or laziness)
  • 2 tablespoons of honey
  • 3 ice cubes
  • 1/2 cup of 2% milk

Put everything in a blender. Blend. Put it in a red solo cup to trick your mind into thinking it could be alcoholic. I can feel my toes in the sand already.

…To Defeat the Huns


I need to get down to business. I went from just a treadmill to trying machines to working out in the mornings. The next step is to work in some kind of regular schedule. Ya know, like how people that are actually into this kinda thing refer to any ordinary day as “leg day.” Most of my ordinary days are called “tequila Tuesday,” or something like that.

Well as much as I like to make fun of those people, I need to do that. Because my current strategy leaves me sore all over all the time and it doesn’t seem that efficient.

My current strategy will be something like cardio every time and then:

Sunday – lower body – home and water

Monday – core – bar trivia and beer

Tuesday – upper body – bar trivia and beer

Wednesday – core – home and water

Thursday – lower body – poker and tequila, club and mixed drinks

Friday – upper body – bar and ciders

Saturday – reserved for hangovers and couch surfing

I need my legs to not be super sore Thursday night. That’s the night I go out to the club and dance around. I’m thinking that my legs are the most important part of the equation and my fist pumping arm will be ok if it’s a little sore during a good song. Priorities.

If anyone has any advice, I need it.

Current State of the Union: 131.6 (Y’ALL LOOK WEIGHT LOSS!)

Drinko De Mayo


As an avid alcohol enjoyer, Cinco De Mayo is one of my favorite holidays. I drank my way through like 7 margaritas and enjoyed a night of poker, EDM, and more margaritas. 

Margaritas are my favorite way to get a buzz. This holiday is the best.

Seis de Mayo was spent fairly hungover. Good for me.

In exercise news: I woke up early Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday and went to the gym. I got in some cardio, some ab workouts, and some arm action. However, I think the hardest ab workout I’ve been getting is dealing with a persistent cough. Everything hurts.

I’m excited to see how this new workout plan evolves me.

Current State of the Union: 133.4



I told y’all I would and it happened. Now all I need is a gold star.

I did it by leaving my curtains open for maximum (annoying) sunlight the next morning. I set my alarm for 30 minutes before I wanted to wake up, then I snuggled in bed while I dicked around on my phone and hit snooze. I finally dragged myself out of bed and onto a treadmill.

I felt energized this morning, then that usual mid-morning hump slump happened, but I overcame with coffee. I’m excited to see what the impact of morning workouts is.

Current State of t he Union: 142.8 (lol I’ve only really gained weight since starting this weight loss blog)

Perfect Day to Jog with Bae


Just take a gander at that beautiful dog. She’s a Bernese Mountain Dog, aka “A Berner.” I ran all around the park with her this morning. We accidentally raised awareness by being present during a huge walk for Lupus. It’s been a great weekend dogsitting; she hasn’t died yet.

I know I keep saying this to y’all, but I’m definitely going to start morning workouts this Monday. For sure. Hands down. No hesitation. I’m out of excuses.

My main motivation is that I may be seeing an ex in a month and a half and you know I’m going to look damn fine for it. Plus, the whole reintroduction of him into my life is a bit of a MAJOR FREAKOUT EMERGENCY and I need some exercise to keep my mood cool, calm, and collected.

I’ve been struggling with just getting out of bed and I’m thinking that leaving my window curtains drawn will bring in an annoying amount of sunlight that will hopefully inspire some cardio. We’ll see.

Vegas Hurts


Remember that post where I said I messed up my knee and donned a knee brace? Update: I didn’t go to the gym for a week. It seemed like a valid excuse. However, it wasn’t valid enough to keep me from going to Vegas for the weekend.

I most definitely exercised my liver with a 100 oz. mug from Fat Tuesdays. It was an aggressive amount of alcohol in one container, but I have no regrets. I also drank my way through Hakkasan and Light. And enjoyed XS when Zedd was performing.

As fabulous as Vegas seems, it’s a very painful experience. I went to the clubs dressed in my finest party clothes, my super sexy knee brace, and flats. I wasn’t even going to try heels. Despite all of my efforts, my feet and calves most definitely ended up hurting from the excessive walking. My shoulders hurt from carrying my duffle bag from my car (parked in bumblefuck) to the hotel room. I got the weirdest pain under my arms from the friction of my arms moving against the fabric of a shirt (I shit you not) due to excessive walking. AND I managed to catch a strong head cold before I returned home.

I don’t care what y’all say, I consider this assault on my body a full workout that completely covers “skipping” last week due to a bum knee. I’m hoping all this soreness goes away by my workout Wednesday. That’s my planned re-start date.

Of everything I could have learned this weekend, I would like to impart the most important tidbit I picked up: wearing a knee brace to the club is an incredibly good idea.

  • It gave others a reason to start a conversation. Free drinks anyone?
  • It stored my room key and cash because it was an easy snug fit.
  • People thought I was a warrior because it didn’t stop me from having a good time.
  • It was an easy excuse to wear flats instead of heels like everyone else.
  • I sounded adventurous and outdoorsy af to say that I messed it up hiking

Remember my party peeps: hydration is key.